The Real Housewives of DG

You’ve seen the bitches out themselves in Beverly Hills and every “Real World” city, but now it’s Dongguan’s turn. one question: which lady are you?

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Heeey there, all my favorite people! This month, I have a guilty secret to share with all of you: I’m a massive fan of reality TV, especially the “Real Housewives” franchise, and my favorite is the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!” (As I write this, Lisa is planning to bring the gang to Hong Kong to open up a dog rescue center…please allow me a quick squeal of excitement!)

The news of the Hong Kong visit got me thinking about why can’t we have our own “Real Expat Housewives of Dongguan?” Thus, this party girl’s imagination was kicked into overdrive and all of you will be the victims beneficiaries! I swear that any resemblance to actual people in Dongguan is purely coincidental (and if you think I’m describing you, that’s your problem, not mine!).

The Predictable Cast
She-Of-Two-Faces — Susan is the kind of woman who is everyone’s friend to their face, while saying the worst things about them behind their backs. Not just a member of the local expat church, she’s also a well-known leader within the institution, but the difference between how she acts on Sunday and how she acts the rest of the week will have you thinking she’s really two different people! She’s pushing through her fifth year in China, but was tired of it by the end of the first year.

Now, her only joy in life comes from convincing herself that everyone else is even worse off than her.

Great Expectations — Mary came here three years ago with her husband on a wonderful journey to experience a new country and culture. The bliss lasted about six months, until her husband had his first affair with a cute 22-year-old Chinese girl he met at a bar. After he was caught, he swore that it was over and he’d be faithful to her. But how is a 40-something housewife going to compete with the young girls who are constantly throwing themselves at her husband? She puts on a brave public face, but in private, she has real doubts.

Just don’t contradict or disagree with her: her claws are retractable, but she’ll bring them out to cut down anyone who gets in her way.

The Matriarch — Beverly has been here longer than almost anyone else and is something of a mother figure to new arrivals, happily offering assistance and advice. She’s on virtually every committee and has the networks to get almost everything done. Just don’t contradict or disagree with her: her claws are retractable, but she’ll bring them out to cut down anyone who gets in her way. And it won’t just be her who’s your new enemy. You’ll also suddenly find yourself personal non-grata everywhere you go.

The EX-ecutive — Back in her home country, Tanya enjoyed a high position at a top company. Then her husband was offered an incredible job opportunity in China and she gave up her job, so that they could move. Her original plan was to find a suitable job after she came to Dongguan, but the reality has been somewhat different. The only job she can find in DG is teaching English. More suitable companies with better positions are all in other, faraway cities. Stuck at home, feeling frustrated and worthless, the charms of life in China have rapidly worn off.

Patty Party Hearty — With her husband frequently traveling and nothing much to do at home, Patty has become a mainstay of the Dongguan club scene. While she swears that she’s not an alcoholic, she’s the first to admit that the only time she’s happy is when she’s full of wine. She has her own loose circle of friends, but will frequently introduce herself to newcomers, as well, trying her best to convince them that she really is as cheerful and excited as she so desperately wants to appear.

What will happen when Susan is caught spreading malicious gossip about one of her “best friends” at church? Watch the fireworks erupt when a na?ve new arrival gets into a fight with Beverly! When will Mary figure out that her husband is fooling around with yet another young conquest? Share Tanya’s quandary as she’s offered a great job…in Shanghai! And best of all, will Patty be able to make it home after an all-night pub crawl?

Join us each week as our five Real Expat Wives deal with the trials and triumphs of their lives in Dongguan.

Remember, I love you all, especially my fellow Dongguan ladies! I know most of you are an amazing bunch, and life here just wouldn’t be the same without you!