A Working Class Superhero

Designed by kues1 / Freepik

It had been a long day at work. He walked into his apartment, kicked off his shoes and said, “Pajamas on, teeth brushed” and face planted into the sheets. It worked like a charm. Perhaps that′s what it was; a charm and he was a sorcerer. But he wasn′t wearing any Albus Dumbledore hats, didn′t have a wand or frogs cooking in a cauldron. His parents had been blue collar workers putting in too many hours just to get him through high school. He had turned out to be just an average Joe. Slightly more success than anybody else in the family, but still working that nine-to-five job, with too much on his plate and not enough on it at the same time.

His almost only excitement in life came from his uncommon ability to mutter an action that would conveniently happen immediately, as if by magic. If you had to describe it, perhaps instant gratification would be the best way to do so. He never had to manually brush his teeth, put on his pajamas, clean his ears, cut his nails or wipe his ass. Just say the word and voilà! Coming back from the beach and shouting “Sand-off” was definitely a source of happiness. Unfortunately, it only seemed to work with personal day-to-day chores. He couldn′t rob a bank, not that he ever would. He had tried making a girl fall in love with him once but that just ended in a very uncomfortable and embarrassing evening.

He had tried to discover the origin of his unusual “condition,” but there seemed to be no books concerned with day-to-day chore charms. Some arcane volumes he had managed to uncover online would suggest the wizard theory, but he liked to think of it as a superpower. If it was a superpower, then that would make him a superhero. The thing was, superheroes usually have the ability to fly through the sky, to teleport, or at least have super strength. If he was indeed a superhero, then he was unique amongst his kin; instant tooth brushing and hair combing lack a certain superpower kick to them. He would also need to start acting like a super-hero, risking his life for the good of others, fighting crime, being uncomfortable and spending his days searching for bad guys to shut down their evil plans. His 12-hour days at work were exhausting enough as it was. He had thought once about doing some community work with his extra time, but somewhere along the line the gaming console in the living room had climbed up a few ranks on the priority list.

What was not a mystery was the source of his above average efficiency. Hardly a source of awe, but it came in handy for his work and personal life. Having one or two hours extra a day really made the difference when the bosses asked him to put in some over-time. Anybody else in the world putting in twelve-hour days at work would love to be him, that much was for sure. He figured sharing his ability with others was not a problem; it wasn`t like he needed to wear a mask to stop the Joker from coming for his girlfriend. He had regretted that decision real fast. Nobody ever expected him to be lazy or tired, he was the man with no responsibilities! The one person in the world that could not afford to complain about a long day.

“Man, if I could do that, there`s so much more I would get done,” was the usual comment at dinner parties. But nobody really understood the meaning of settling like he did. Laziness had a long reach and superheroes were not the exception.